Cynthia Ng'ang'a
Nairobi

Cyn the Kenyan Wordsmith

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Friendzoned

By on March 18, 2019

For some of us, loving comes easy, instinctively, like looking back before you scratch your ass on the road(In case you are thinking I came up with this line while scratching my ass in public, well you’re right. But that’s not the point here) . But for others, loving feels like a rich old man walking into a shootout without having written a will. But love is love and no matter our perception of it we must fall into it at least once. Being only seventeen, I’m not sure if I’ve ever been in love. Infatuated yes, hell I have a crush on a new person every week but I still can’t fathom why people choose to throw away their whole lives, or so it seems, in order to keep up with someone’s cold feet and loud snoring forever and ever. However, one thing I’m familiar with, is rejection. So this piece is for all those boys stuck in the hollow corridors of the friend zone, who have been banging on the exit door for what feels like an eternity only to bruise their knuckles and get massaged by the stinging words of let’s just be friends.

She says she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, that she’s afraid of getting hurt but you can’t help but wonder why she keeps on dating this guys with studs on their ears who wear Balenciaga shoes and have side chicks on every other corner of the city. You know he is not good for her but you dare not tell lest she gets mad at you and then poof! There goes your friendship. This friendship, you despise it, loathe it with your entire being and yet it is your lifeline you can’t live without it. It is the straw you are clutching on to prevent you from drowning into insanity. And so time trudges on, you hang out, she cries on your shoulder when Mr. Balenciaga messes up and you want to prove to her that even though you wear loafers you can treat her better. “No”, she says, ” I need time to heal.” And because you are a gentleman you back off, buy her ice cream and wait. But by the time you think she’s ready, another pair of designer label sneakers already whisked her away.

This girl, how can I describe her. I could begin by saying she’s beautiful but every other sneaker head tells her that so let me speak of her laughter. Her laughter sounds like someone revving up an old engine; A Volkswagen beetle to be precise but God knows you’d rather listen to it the whole day than listen to the purr of the newest Benz. When she laughs, she can’t stop until tears come to her eyes and three days later when you remind her of the same joke she’ll laugh the same way again. Her laughter is her love portion and your poison, her trap and your addiction but you dare not tell her that, she will think you are crazy or give you that look that you hate so. That flash of annoyance that crosses her face any time you bring up the word love. Nakupenda is fine but never love. Maybe English is restricted, only for the men with Jordan’s and Yeezys. There are many things you don’t tell her. Like how her eyes sparkle when she’s curious and how your head spins every time she kisses you on the cheeck. Instead, you go write them in that secret diary and wonder how you’ve not been discovered as Shakespeare’s rereincarnation.

Everyday, you wake up hoping that the code will run, the ship will sail, the hen will lay (okay I made up that one. Trying to include the farm boys here cut me some slack ha ha) only to get disappointed throughout the day and by evening you swear you are so done. So finished with not being appreciated and you sleep convinced you are freed from the addiction but every morning is a new opportunity for disappointment and so the cycle continues until you record a song called taka taka.

(Off topic here) The guy who sang the taka taka song, if you are reading this, who hurt you? What’s her name and is her laughter Volkswagen Beetlish or Benzish?

Anyway, for any guy reading this on a couch somewhere in that limbo called friend zone, fingers hurting from knocking to be let out, this may sound very motivational speakerish but I just want you to know nothings wrong with you. Just because she doesn’t like you in that kind of way doesn’t mean nobody else will. In fact I can bet there is another girl with a laugh like a tractor’s engine looking at your loafers and wishing you’d notice her but you are too busy staring at a closed door to see anything else. And probably the idea of another girl sounds foreign but who knows maybe an overseas vacation is just what the doctor ordered?

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March 18, 2019

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1 Comment
  1. Reply

    Miriam Kim

    March 19, 2019

    This is a good one😍😍true reflection of what is happening today😊😊wooow

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